Our Revenue Streams
The below percentages represent our estimated profit from each sale and/or donation. We also earn from qualified purchases on Amazon.
Active Streams
Planned Streams
Marketing Plan
We are going to invest in brand awareness and pretend that we can track its overall efficiency.
Paid Marketing
Organic Marketing
Lead Engagement (Email)
Drip drip, mother cluckers. This is an example of our automated drip campaign. You can also see why our founder is banned from sending internal emails (these actually went out).
Email 1- Fake "Per My Last Email"
Email 2- Create fake controversy
Email 3- Pretend to hand out gifts
Sales Funnel
Shady Social Media
We will use fake growth to create real growth (not really, but this is how you do it).
Developing Brand Trust
We will buy followers to convince people we are a reputable brand.
Increasing Engagement
We will use hashtags and then buy likes/engagement to trend higher.
Creating Pods
We will create engagement pods where we have our friends comment so their follower see the content.Contact Us!
Slide into our DMs and our hearts.